The year has, like other years past, not gone according to plan. I have fallen off of the running wagon yet again, and am slowly ambling back on. It hasn't entirely been due to a matter of willpower, however. I learned a couple of months ago that I have SLE (lupus) and RA. That explains a lot, and yet I quietly vow not to let them run me over (no pun intended). So I am on week 5 of the old standby that I have come to know so well: the Couch to 5K plan.
I honestly thought that I would be running in Tulsa this month. However, I realize now that it may have been for the best. Daytime temps have been in the triple digits for the past month with no end in sight. That has led to concerns about buying hay, how to pace myself when I take the dogs along for a run, and so on (and we won't even go into what it's like on the "bad days"). But I still go out there in my two year old huaraches, three days a week. Maybe I will make it to the Route 66 Marathon this year. Maybe I won't. I've been thinking about 24 the Hard Way too... just not all 24 hours of it. I can make it there. I just have to keep running.
I have been re-reading bits of "Born to Run" for inspiration, and Jenn Shelton's statement about why she really runs ultras still resonates with me today. I am not at all gifted at running like she is. I have yet to feel "flow" when I run (it's harder to do with two ornery dogs on a leash I have learned, trust me), but the hope that ultras will make me a "better, more peaceful person" is still there. Would it be easier to have humans to run with? Maybe. I have gotten so used to having to do it all on my own, however, that I don't even worry about trying to find a running club to be a part of anymore. I have been researching Sikhism and going over my books on Zen and shamanism. Trying to find that link between the spiritual and the mundane seems to come about through doing, and seems to express itself best in pursuits such as long-distance running and yoga.
That is what I am thinking about tonight when I should be sleeping. But the answer seems to be coming slowly into focus after stumbling around half-blind in the darkness.
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