So my conversation with coach Eric began with me e-mailing him teasing about my "tapering" before Leadville.  Tapering is tough.  It's a week before my big race, we have cut my running waaaay down, and I am forced to delve more into the mental aspect of this race, not that my brain hasn't been going through it's own training over the past year, but my mind is getting honed right now. The rate at which I am processing the mental aspects of running Leadville is dizzying, frustrating, overwhelming and truely amazing at times. What has been a gradual process over the past year is suddenly in hyper-mode.  I'm trying to catch it all...and relax and let it just come at the same time.  Throw in my previous blog about what my tribe was planning and 2 days ago I was ready to flee to South America...on foot.  Trying to lead into a conversation and see where Eric would take me, I prompted him by telling him I was getting antsy and was going to go clean my car. It's always dangerous to tease Eric into a thoughtful conversation.  The result is usually my brain hurting. Of course he picked right up on it and after telling me to relax he aske me what specifics I was "vizualizing" about the race in my head.  I explained that when I tried to visualize the race there are "holes".  Areas where I suspect I will have a hard time, I couldn't visualize through those sections...or I would just quit and do something else.  Instead of saying, "that's ok Lori, it will come" or "don't worry about it" (I should know better by now!) he went straight into letting me know that "holes" are not good and offered some strategies to work through that.  I didn't want to "work through" that.  I could feel my anxiety ramp up a notch.  Then as usual he fired more questions, more questions that made me have to think and dig.  Up the anxiety another 22 and a half notches.  Trying to be the good athlete I tried to dig but came up with more anxiety. He recognized where I was and talked me down. He talked about letting the race come to me, reminding me to trust what I have done and learned, encouraging me to be anxious and excited and "give it a whirl" and "make it a game". "See how close you can get to what you want, WITH NO EXPECTATIONS.  Fullfillment comes from going for it, not in whether it actually happens or not".  Now that I was back off the ledge I was able to figure out what I wanted. I want to finish in less than 25 hours. I am confident now that I can "feel" my way through this and race my best race. I am good at staying within myself during long runs/races. I believe if I can stay within myself, run my best race (smart, patient, persistent) I will be happy no matter the outcome.  This conversation actually evolved over 2 days.  The next day I was fleeing the office for lunch after news of the events to come at work.  I sat down in a cafe by the little town creek.  I looked out the window and there was an otter.  He was swimming casually, basking in the sun, eating grass off the shore.  I was filled with peace watching this little otter who didn't care about races, pictures, running with marshal escorts....or the most frightening one of all...expectations. I emailed eric what I saw and told him I was just going to sit there and focus on little Mr. Otter.  I wanted to clear my mind and feel like that otter looked...relaxed, warm, happy, confident in what he was doing. Then eric suggested that the otter might be my race spirit animal.  Ha! At first I thought that seemed silly. Then I thought, "well I'm glad I didn't see a skunk".  Then I thought about what the otter embodies...patience and persistence.  I think I did find my race spirit.  I just hope I don't have buck teeth. 

Wow, what a day.  This day began with my heart filled with fear and anxiety. It ended with my heart full and overflowing. I am a very honored and humbled....and tired me.  Yesterday and today every fiber of my being wanted to flee.  I found out my colleagues were planning an elaborate send off for me involving health directors, medical directors, tribal chief, Cherokee Nation Marshal escorts, etc.  As many of you know I am headed to Leadville for the Leadville trail 100 race next Saturday.  It is also my 10 year anniversary working for The Cherokee Nation as a nurse practitioner. What started off to be a simple little send off and congrats for 10 years service, turned into professional pictures, interviews with media and talk of posters and billboards promoting a "healthy Cherokee Nation" and me running alongside 2 Cherokee Nation Marshal Services units.  Shit, my heart is racing just thinking about it now!  What you see in the picture is our medical director presenting me with a quilt followed by a prayer for me spoken in Cherokee. My colleagues and family were all there with their "Team Enlow" shirts proudly displayed. I am proud to be called Cherokee and proud to serve a strong tribe, a tribe that has survived, adapted, and prospered. I plan to do the same at Leadville.

Ok, so I was nervous about today.  30 miles at Ouachita trail. 7,000 feet of elevation gain. Last long trail run before Leadville.  I was reminded that the last time I did this trail I ended up out for a little over a week with hip/knee problems.  NOt to mention this partidular course intimidates me.  Not to mention I knew it was going to get to 105 degrees.  Not to mention I've never done that many miles out there.  So here's what I did with that....I "embraced" all those feelings and concerns and let that be "ok".  I didn't fight it.  Next I visualized success, the course, my form, being relaxed, taking it slower than I thought I needed to, hydrating and fueling well.  I visualized healing and strength in those hot spots that tend to gibve me trouble. I determined it WOULD be a good day.  Well I did it.  I felt great till about 16 miles or so. Struggled with a little dehydration from 16-20 then got rehydrated and refueled and back on track.  Stepped on a king snake at mile 22ish.  Hit a creek fed swimming hole at 25-26 miles and jumped in and stayed neck deep for a good 15 minutes.  About the time I was thinking I could stay there forever, I felt something touch my hand.  I shot outta there like a ligtening bolt! "Ok, I'm done!" I shouted!  Well I actually shouted several explitives first!  Ran out of water at mile 24 and got pretty dry and icky feeling.  Made it to car at 27 miles and called it a day. Of course I am neurotic enought to be kicking myself for not backtracking the trail to make a complete 30, but I felt I got what I needed out of what I did and with getting pretty dehydrated and high temps/heat I let it slide.  Learned much today about hydration...hydration...hydration...  Learned that no matter how crappy you feel at mile 16, you can feel great again at mile 22.  AND it WAS a good day!

A year ago this past weekend I ran my first trail run. The Tail Twister 50K near Bentonville, AR. I had no idea what I was doing.  I had no idea what running off road was. I was training for my first ultra...a 50 miler that was scheduled in July and needed a really long run that weekend. A friend invited me to this race.  7 hrs 20 minutes and countless falls, near falls, and toe stumps (with the eventual loss of 4 toenails) later I finished.  I came through the finish swearing never ever to run another trail run again! My finish line picture looks like I had been attacked by a grizzly bear. I had never looked, or smelled that bad in my life. It took a week for my quads to quit screeming. Here I am a year later.  Finished the Tail Twister in 5 hours 27 minutes, 3rd place female and chomping at the bit to go run some trails this weekend.  Here I am a year later training for Leadville.  Shit!  Wouldn't have believed it a year ago.