Yes, it is quite possible I have gone completely off the deep end but if you are willing to follow me, it should be entertaining at least! I thought about waiting to blog about Walter until I completely understand where I’m going with this, but writing helps me understand, so maybe we’ll figure this out together as we go. Let me give you a little background. If you’ve been following along you know I am doing the US Skyrunning Ultra series: Cruel Jewel in May, Speedgoat and La Maratona in July, Angels Staircase in August, The Rut in September, and Flagstaff endurance run in October. As I am getting everything arranged it is becoming very “real”. Each race has 13,000-17,000 feet of vertical gain over 50k-55mi course. The most vertical I have ever done was at Leadville, 18,000 feet over 100 miles. Squish a little less than that gain into 55 miles and you have Cruel Jewel.

This series is my cool impossible, and it is huge and scary, but I want it and I smile every time I think about it...and then fears crop up….Will my legs really do this? You live in Oklahoma...you have one hill that is 4 miles long and 2000 ft high….a hill. And Oklahoma sits at about 400ft above sea level. All but one race is at altitude. Look at your mountain races you’ve done….yeah, you finished, but you just survived them….what makes the fears more intense is that I know I want more than to survive these races….I want to race them, I want to do well, dare I say I want to finish in the top 5 in my age bracket! Now that’s just nuts, but I want going for it.  I don’t want fear to limit me. I don’t want to care about the actual result, but the “going for it” part. Unless I can let go of the fear of failing, I can’t fully go for it. And if I can fully “go for it” in training and racing, then the result no longer matters. Ha! if only it were that easy! All of these fears and doubts have been internal. When they crop up they envelop me.  Sometimes I can use the visualization of thoughts and fears dangling from the ceiling and I get to choose which ones I want to take hold of, or just acknowledge and go on. But when those thoughts are more feelings, and in particular when they occur when I’m running/training they seem to come so from within that I can’t shake loose or “choose” what to do with them.

The suggestion came that maybe I should consider giving these fears or this voice in my head that expresses these fears a funny name.  Hmm...A name for my fears. Enter Walter...let me explain...Jeff Dunham is a comedian/ventriloquist. Walter is one of his characters. He's a sour faced old man, critical of everything and sarcastic as hell. In a way, he is part of the comedian which reminds me of the fears being a part of me but separate too. I see him when those fears pop up. I can hear his voice, “what makes you think you can do this?”, “you seem to be breathing hard, this hill shouldn’t be that hard for you should it?”

So yesterday I had a 12 mi trail run...and lo and behold I ran into Walter.  On a long slow slight uphill I could literally see walter. His wrinkled face questioning me...and scouling, "this hill isn't as easy as you thought, it would be, you are only in low zone 3, why isn't this easier for you?". Before I realized what was happening I laughed and told him, "because it's a hill, you idiot!" Walter disappeared, and I immediately felt light and happy again, pleased and relaxed, thinking how ridiculous this old man questioning me sounded. And then I realized that was the first time I had ever separated those negative feelings from me...saw them for what they really were and saw how silly and tiny and powerless they were. I think I like having walter around. I have no idea if I'm crazy or on to something. I am definitely in uncharted territory with my mind.

Cherokee legend has it that long ago humans and animals lived together and spoke to each other. Those times have long since past, or so thought the Cherokee trail runner. It was a crisp, clear winter day with fresh snow on the ground. Trail runner thought it a perfect day for a long run. She had no idea what she was in for! She made her way through the winding trails of the forest, somewhat surprised that no other humans had made tracks yet. She drank water and ate to sustain her energy for the long run. She delighted in the sounds of the woodpeckeR (ta-la-la), the scurrying squirrel (sa-la-li), and other small animals foraging in the woods. For several miles her eyes were drawn to the tracks in her path….deer (a-wi), rabbit (tsi-s-du), coyote (wa-ya), bobcat (gv-he), raccoon (gv-li), turkey (ka-la-gi-sa). But no human, just her own tracks in her odd shoes.  You see, her trail shoes have a split toe. She noticed how they compared to the deer.  She laughed...much larger and more cumbersome for sure!

Just then, a white deer popped out on the trail in front of her.  He looked at her feet and said, I’ve been following you for some time, your print is not like any human print I have seen!  What are you doing out here? Trail runner explained to a-wi that her shoes helped her feet move easier and more naturally on the trails. A-wi asked, “do they make you faster?”  Trail runner laughed, “I wish!”. She replied, “No, I admire your speed and agility though, and would love for my running to be as graceful, efficient and swift as your own”. A-wi nodded and replied, “I have heard of human’s endurance..endurance that has been known to exceed that of the a-wi.” trail runner nodded, “I have heard this too.” As a-wi and trail runner conversed, other forest animals gathered, for this was the first time in many, many generations that human and animal understood each other and spoke the same language.

Rabbit (tsi-s-du), spoke up. “Well, why don’t we have a race?”. Tsi-s-du sized them both up and was quite convinced he could win. He had been sizing them up for some time. He thought, “I am surely faster than trail runner, for she only has 2 legs...and well, she’s human!”  Rabbit wasn’t so sure about a-wi, but was convinced he could cut the course without being caught making his way ahead of a-wi and surely win. The other animals got very excited and chattered. The hawk (ta-wo-di) watched and listened to all that was going on. Bear (yo-nv) was pleased to see human and animal communicating with and respecting eachother. “It has been so long,” he thought. A-wi and trail runner took a little convincing, but all thought, including a-wi and trail runner, the victor would surely be a-wi. A 20 mile course was set by bear.  The animals agreed the distance would balance things for a-wi and trail runner. Both a-wi and trail runner were nervous. Both confident in their own abilities, but in all of history, there has never been such a race. All the animals placed their bets on a-wi, all convinced by looking at a-wi, he should be the obvious winner.

Rabbit piped up…what about me? I’m going to race as well! I am sure to win! Look at my powerful hind legs! My heart beats many times faster than either of yours, my reflexes too fast for you to even see! And what about the prize?  There must be a prize of course! The animals began to chatter and the crowd became more anxious. A-wi spoke, “I will offer up my antlers to the winner”. Everyone agreed this was a fitting prize. The hawk observed all this and took flight. He would follow them on the course, he knew deer and trail runner were of pure intentions, but he was suspicious of rabbit. Bear sent them off with a loud growl.  Rabbit was first on the trail and very quickly out of sight around the first bend. By ¼ mi. A-wi was well ahead of trail runner.

Trail runner was a little discouraged at how quickly she lost sight of the two. And hawk soared overhead. Trail runner refocused her effort. She remained steady, taking in calories and water as she went. Before long she was completely alone. Not even hawk above. Trail runner shook her head. She wondered if it was all a dream or maybe her imagination trying to make the miles pass. Ahead Hawk had spotted rabbit. Just as hawk suspected, rabbit was cutting the course. He was making his way straight up the hill instead of following the trail. Hawk briefly thought about eating rabbit, but figured the arrogant little rabbit would leave a bad taste.  Just then, rabbit got hung in a thicket and could not free himself. Rabbit cried out to hawk for help, but to no avail. Hawk thought the situation quite fitting for rabbit and flew on. Hawk watched both a-wi and trail runner. A-wi was still flying down the trail, effortless and elegant. Hawk then took note of trail runner..moving slower, but persistent. He noticed how she backed off on uphills and increased her pace on downhills. She took sips of water out of funny looking bottles and ate what looked like honey as she went. 5 miles turned into 10 and 10 into 15.  A-wi was struggling. He felt tired and would stop briefly, but felt compelled to take off again before fully recovered. A-wi did not drink or eat, he had never done that on the run.

By now trail runner had fully determined her deer encounter to be a figment of her very overactive imagination.  Around mile 18 she came around the bend and right up on deer. A-wi was panting, obviously in distress. A-wi said to trail runner, “go on, you are strong and persistent and I am weak”.  Trail runner did not leave. She gave a-wi water and honey gels. A-wi was grateful. The two sat quietly and rested, hawk flying overhead.  Once recovered, a-wi and trail runner arose. Quietly, they ran together with great respect each for the other.  

They crossed the finish together. The animals created quite a stir….who is the winner? A-wi promptly hushed the animals. “Trail runner is the winner” he said. A-wi explained what happened, and how trail runner had stopped to help him. The animals agreed that the antlers should go to trail runner. Trail runner was honored, but couldn’t bear the thought of a-wi giving up a part of himself, his magnificent antlers. Trail runner explained, she meant no disrespect, she wanted a-wi to keep his antlers.  A-wi smiled and said, from this day forward, every year, about this time a-wi will shed their antlers and humans will find them as a reminder of this day and the respect we share for each other. So from that day forward, every year around December to April, a-wi shed their antlers for humans to find and be reminded of their encounter.

Last week I got the opportunity to attempt to hit some targets at a makeshift shooting range at the coaxing of my brother in law, Scotty, former military police.  It was an automatic rifle of sorts...a heavy one with a scope.  After getting the basics down I took aim. I had a hard time honing in on the target. The gun was heavy, challenging to find aim and hone in due to the weight and trying to use the scope. It took a lot longer than I thought, but I was determined to keep aiming, I wanted to hit that target! My arms were fatiguing quickly. I could’ve just taken the shot, I was close, and I might have hit it, but I wanted to be as sure as I could. My arm muscles twitching and burning trying to make fine adjustments. Finally I took the shot...I nailed it. We did this several more times. Some shots I got and some I missed, but the aiming was the part that sucked me in...getting as close as I could to get the best shot. And how does this have anything to do with a 5K?  Keep reading, we’ll get there.

Founder’s Day 5k. As the week progressed I started getting nervous. This is the first 5k I’ve done in 2 years. My 1 mile test last week was not the least bit impressive, and slower than the previous 2 over the past year.  I decided to hit up coach about how to go about this 5k.  He sent me some pacing parameters...6:45 the first mile, then 6:40 the second, then 6:35.  After I almost passed out, I emailed him back. It was clear I didn’t think I could. I was done before the race started. My response , “I’ve never done a 5k at those paces. My 20 minute tests have not come close to those paces..My one mile test was way slower than the previous/...a 6:35 for 1 mile..1 mile, not 3...the numbers DON’T add up.  Now I was fully afraid and dread was starting to set in.

“I’m trying to get you to not fear failing. WHO CARES, if you can't, but can’t never did anything. See how close you can get and love with the challenge of getting as close as you can. Fear will always be there. It will either stop you or you can decide to put the fear right in your water bottle and take it with you”.  It clicked. He said that, and I thought…”why just take the fear with me?...I’ll drink it!”.   I felt a huge burden lift and excitement settled back in. Then another click…”the challenge of getting as close as you can”. I remembered what I love. And this is where shooting a heavy rifle comes in...

A question, When you were target shooting, did you always aim for the bullseye or the outer ring?  We will not always hit the bullseye, but we always aim for it. I could relate...that feeling of trying to hone in on something, and just the sheer pleasure of honing in. The pleasure of the intense focus, second by second while target shooting...minute by minute when racing. Constant awareness and focus, bringing the bullseye into the line of sight, working the muscles to get there and hold it, making small corrections left and right, up and down... (faster/slower...working these muscle fibers, those muscle fibers, heart rate/breathing) Things getting out of focus briefly and then pulling it back in, refocusing, refining, bringing the target back in the line of site, sharpening it. I didn’t understand why I liked shooting so much...then it clicked...it’s the same feeling. Aiming. The race is aiming.. When you say , “ready..aim..shoot” and correlate that to running...I would have thought “shoot” is the part where you run..”shoot” is the finish line..it’s the bullet hitting the target, It’s the runner crossing the tape, “aim” is the run.

I was ready for today’s 5k. The result didn’t matter anymore, the burden lifted.  I wanted 20:58 or less. I wanted those paces and I was going to keep aiming at them, honing in, minute by minute.  So we lined up and the race director yelled “go”. I started out at a 6:03.  Back off, back off I told myself. I felt good, too good. I made myself back off in that first minute to a 6:45. It was difficult to let others go but I did. I went above my target (pace) on the first incline, refocused, thinking..”aim, aim” visualizing that target..6:45min/mi. My effort was very high, higher than those around me which made me a little nervous to increase my effort more. I held steady effort going up, not wanting to explode and fade fast. Hit the first little downhill and increased my speed trying to maintain similar effort. Quads were still a little quivery from my repeat descents down Cavanall hill earlier in the week. My pace would drop down to 6:30 or even 6:20 on those early downhills, but it was not the way I had hoped the downhills would feel...refocus, aim, steady those legs, relax, go.

Back up a little steeper short up and then just a very slight incline. My uphlll pace was again above which kept me refocusing, refining, aiming. I felt good. I was working this to the best of my ability and I knew it. The down I would get under again. At about 2-2.5 mi some side stitches added to the challenge...refocus, refine, aim...just a half mi left. Rounded the last corner and the last little incline. I heard people yelling for another girl behind me. “oh no way!” I thought, “I am NOT getting passed this close to the finish!” I kicked it in high gear through the finish..not much increase in actual pace likely, but definitely effort! 21:45 was my time. It was a 5k PR for me, not what I was aiming for, but I was aiming every second of the way..and loving it. I drank that fear right in and used it. Here you see my good friend Brian Hoover of TATUR- Tulsa Area Trail and Ultrarunners, he timed the event today.

1,999 feet I believe... Cavanall hill

,

Oklahoma's claim to the World's Highest Hill.  Today's plan was to fuel better, pre run and during to try and have better through run stamina and be able to get into zone 4b for most of the climbing.   I don't do particularly well with pre run fueling...thought I was going big with a serving or little more of raisin bran and a big handful of almond slices.  The cereal has added sugar so I thought that would be enough. It's difficult for me to get much volume on my tummy in the mornings, especially before long runs as I tend to be a little nervous anyway before these. With Cruel Jewel coming up fast in May, a 55 mi mountain race with 17,000ft of climbing, I am a bit anxious about my ability to climb. 

Started out in good friend Josh's back yard, which butts up to the base 

of Cavanall. We took off from Joshes house and up a bushwhacked trail up the "hill" for about a mile before we hit the road section of the climb.  We crested the top and I sucked down a gel and some water and took a minute to recover.

 Josh showed me where we were headed next....

straight down the power line.  He let me go first. I took off and immediately went..."holy shit!" I did not fully realize until already in motion how steep the grade was or how loose the rocks/sandy slide was!  I tried to slow down without crashing and let Josh lead the way. It was frighteningly fun...once I got back in control of my descent that is!  Down down down and then off on a side trail and back up up up more bushwhacked trail.

This second ascent we hiked quite a bit of and my hr lingered in zone 4a and down in 3, but my calves and quads were on fire and my breathing quite hard, speaking in "yups", "nopes" and "uh huhs" most of the way up. Sipped water along the way. SHOULD HAVE taken another gel here, but didn't cross my mind..ugh! Crossed some field section and got completely tangled up in a branch landing flat on my chest. Guess I won't be wearing a skirt to work tomorrow...looks like I got in a fight with a bob cat. The shower experience should be pleasant as well. The next descent down cavanall on the road felt fantastic 1-2 miles of smooth road, nice breaze..able to focus on downhill form, relaxed, and able to actually hold a conversation. Hit the last mile descent back on the bushwacked trail and dropped Josh back off at his house.

Took in another gel and more water and was feeling quite spunky and ready to climb again.  Solo this time back up the trail...this time more of a hike though, as soon as I started climbing much over a 3-5% grade the quads and calves would burn furiously and legs very fatigued....I think the gel was a little too little too late and the maybe 300-400 calories for breakfast were long since gone. My HR lingered in zone 2 and 3 max for the last ascent. I didn't recognize it then. I just thought it was the cumulative effects of climbing, lack of experience ascending that many feet over that many miles, etc. Basically, legs just not used to it. I was happy though...hiking steadily and running when I could. The sun was out, the temps were around 45-50 with a nice breeze. Saw a good size coyote running across the road which was cool. Got to the top and my backpack buzzed...buzzed..buzzed.  My phone was going nuts! I was now close to the cell towers and someone was trying to get a hold of me!  Work..."we need you to come in as soon as you can" (we had switched the schedule around and I didn't realize..I was supposed to be on today! -thanks Ashley for covering my ass!"... Me, "ooook...it's gonna be just a bit".  3 miles back to the car. Slim pickin's for food on the way back and was craving salt and potatoes....Hit McDonalds and got large fries and water...and lots of strange looks with my cat scratched dirty legs.  Back in the car, home, shower, FOOD, and work. It was a bit surreal going from the top of the highest hill, climbing 5,000 ft in 12 miles, watching coyotes and now seeing patients all in the same day. What a day tho!  

Got to get out for a group long run yesterday. Invited by friends for a 15 mile trail run a couple hours from home along the Buffalo River. With a sunrise like that, I knew it was going to be a good day!    

We left a vehicle at the start and finish, an 11 mile stretch. The plan was to go the 11 miles and then do a little 2 mile out farther and back to the car to make 15 total. There were 6 of us total. I led us across the first water crossing and up the first 1 mile climb. legs were feeling really good as we climbed the single track rugged trail. Since I was leading I knew I needed to keep myself in check and be aware of feeling the need to push with faster runners behind me. I let them know they were more than welcome to climb past me. I decided I would climb allowing myself to get into hr zone 4a but not go higher. We got to the top of the ridge with views of the valley and river below. Hit the next descent and spotted this beautiful little waterfall and grabbed some pics.

It was also a strategic stop, I let the others take off ahead, I really did not want to lead the pack.

The group had divided up now into 3 smaller groups and I was behind the second. I caught up to the second group on the next climb as they hiked.  I wanted to work a little going up and take it easier 

on the downs and knew there was another up ahead, so I passed them and climbed in zone 3-4a for the next mile. At the top I met Tom, my friend from Arizona. We took off and cruised along the top of the ridge for about a mile or so before descending again. I led our flight downhill focusing on keeping my legs under me with good form, relaxing my upper body and avoiding braking on rocks...just trying to flow and allow my hips to open up and legs to kick behind me. It felt great and my legs were liking it! Up to now I had taken in very little water...It was upper 30s and cloudy with about 80% humidity, so I felt very cool and moist which kept me from feeling thirsty...but I was sweating and should have been drinking more. I was enjoying feeling good and not thinking much about how I was likely getting behind on hydration and calories.

At around 7-8 miles I took in a serving of pocket fuel- an almond butter with banana and blueberry mix...very tasty! Maybe about 150 calories. I took in a little more water and we crossed the creek and off onto the next climb.

This one was about a mile long and steep at first...the late fueling caught me here. I hit upper zone 3 and felt like I was maxing out 4b. I eased up into a power hike and resumed running when the grade lessened a bit. My climbing lagged a bit here, but felt good again as we cruised along the ridgeline. The final descent to the parking lot was about 500 feet over ¾ mi. It was a hoot!

We had completed 11 miles and stopped here to see if the others were close behind. This is where I should have taken in more calories and water. We were going to head another 2 miles down the trail and 2 miles back to make 15 total. We debated waiting vs. going. We both started getting cold and decided to go on and just ease up a bit. This is where my legs were like…”Hey..Hey!..I thought we were done!”....They felt quite tired and uninterested in continuing. My brain kept telling my legs, “It’s just another 2 miles then turn around….perk up..you’re almost there”. My leg

s were like, “well, brain...if you had taken care of me with more calories and water like you should have I might not complain so heartily!”....did brain listen and take care of 

legs?  NO!  Brain said, “You’ve only got 2 miles out and 2 miles back, you’ll be just fin

e, now do what I say.  My legs just wanted fuel and water...it would have taken less than 2 minutes. So I plodded along 4 miles, the brain mad at the legs and the legs mad at the brain and neither willing to do what needed to be done to actually correct the situation (stop and eat/drink).  And brain was trying to convince legs that there was really only 2 miles left of work and the return would be a “cool down”.  I payed for that poor decision with about a 4 lb weight loss and a bonk that lasted about 3 hours.  Not good racing strategy, that’s for sure. Still playing around with my fueling choices. One thing is for sure, I need to stay on top of the calories and water and not get sloppy thinking I am feeling well enough that I don’t need anything or close enough to the barn to quit fueling/hydrating altogether. Unfortunately

, once you start feeling bad it is hard to correct and the mental g

ames begin….I want to quit, my legs can’t, I won’t...which is easy to handle when you only have 2 miles left...but when you have 20...that can be tough to recover from and can end things or make for a REALLY unpleasant day. So, tomorrow on my 15 miler which will include significant climbing...Lori is going to hydrate and fuel like she is racing

….will it make a difference at mile 11?....to be continued...

Ok, Paul Weeks….you can breathe...I didn’t go sub 6:00 on this one, but it was a good test...I think. 

 The result today? 6:35. The game is still on brother! I was more satisfied with this test than any other i’ve done. I was definitely equally as nervous in the day or two leading up to it as I always am, and had to remind myself many times that this nervousness was good, it meant I wanted to do very well and perform my best. It also meant I would damn well put it all out there  to have a good test.

Let me start by saying….I didn’t even come close! My PR was 6:02 set after Leadville 2012. Normally, I would be sitting here very pissed off, disappointed, frustrated, wondering what the hell happened. Thinking I just didn’t give it all I had, I must’ve had more and I just couldn’t muster it up. I wasn’t good enough, tough enough, strong enough to gut through it and come up with a better time. 

Instead, I sit here drinking coffee and feeling very satisfied. Hell yeah I wish it were a 5:59! But, I don’t FEEL like I performed poorly. Last 1 mi test I did, I spent the week before I analyzing test I pulled 6:02 on. I tried to be strategic about pacing myself out of the gate, set my watch to beep at me if I was going to fast or slow….etc. My last one mi test was a 6:28ish. So how was I going to go about this one?

A couple days before, I toyed with asking coach for tips or advice...but I wanted the answers to come from me. I thought about hitting up a few fast friends about how they do their one mile tests, but didn’t. I decided I would not set pacing alarms on my watch. I would simply do what coach asked, “run as fast as you can for 1 mile”....and I did.  And I think that’s exactly why I’m satisfied. I ran as fast as I could for 1 mile...no less. Simple.  BUT….Look out Paul Weeks!  You can bet your ass I’m still charging for a 5:59!!!

Thinking about training after reading different posts and thinking back to my training and racing over the past couple years....A lot of people think "THE race...THE event" is the hardest part. One thing has always struck me at the end of the season. The training, was the ultimate ultra.  Whether you be training for a 5k PR or a 100 miler...the week after week, run after run of highs and lows, strength, weakness, aches and pains....no aid stations, no applause, no medal. The training has always been for me far more demanding than any ultra I have completed.  So be confident in your training. Take pride in what you are accomplishing, day after day...week after week. You are completing one hell of a long ultra. THE race is the icing. Be proud of the training....that is the really freaking hard part ;)

I hit the trails yesterday for my long run...20 miles. Energy level pre run was really good despite knowing my legs were likely to be a little tired, and should be for where I am at in training cycle. One of the things I am learning and need to learn is how to run on tired legs, how to manage my effort. It’s always easy to have a good mind set on long runs when one is primed for it and you have great energy...tapered, rested, whatever.  Having a good mindset on tired legs is a learned skill for sure! As always, I hit the trails with lofty goals, thinking, “yeah my legs SHOULD  be tired, but they don’t feel tired right now...I think I can be aggressive and plan to just climb and descend and climb and descend for 20 miles pushing the first few minutes of the ups and then backing off…” I hoped I would be able to maintain this stamina over and over again yesterday.

The trails were still pretty snowy with some ice and mud, but overall pretty good footing. So starting out, there is an Immediate technical ½ mi climb. I took it with upper moderate effort for a couple minutes then backed off and topped the hill. Not too shabby since I really wasn’t warmed up yet. Then a technical, but relatively relaxed descent to the bottom of “Jelly Legs” - a 0.4mi technical switchback hill. Did the first two hitting zone 4b by 1-2 minutes then backing off to zone 3 climbing for the last 2-3 minutes. Yay! I thought. Relaxed easy back down and strong up. By the 3rd or 4th it the cumulative fatigue in my quads became very evident very quickly. By the 5th climb I could no longer climb strong enough to get past 4a, “jelly legs” was how they were starting to feel by mile 7.  I reassessed where I was at and realized I need

ed to back off a bit and recover.  I opted onto a less technical/less hilly course and relaxed. I also took in some calories and water/electrolytes. I hung around in zone 2 and a bit in zone 1 even. I was aware my zone 1-2 effort felt more like upper 2 or even low 3. I continued to drink to thirst and took in more calories at 2 ½ hours, at this point I tried not to look at heart rate zones much, only to be aware and continue an effort I felt I could sustain.

I increased my perceived effort on climbs, but my heart rate remained low. Despite this, I was pleased that I was working my effort and satisfied….that is the magic that is starting to develop with my training….being satisfied and confident in my running and what I have on any given run...I definitely still struggle with this and have twinges of those thoughts...you know, “if you were a stronger runner you would be able to get into zone 4b on every climb out there..all the way through”, “you’re just weak”. BUT, out there yesterday, I was able to see those thoughts and recognize them, and stop short of OWNing them....I thought about owning them...but instead... I chose to USE those thoughts, and ask myself…”Are you managing your effort like you need to?” “are you fueling and hydrating to optimize how you feel?” “Can you increase 

your effort here or there?” “Are you focusing?”. Those thoughts come because I want to perform well on every run..and now I am learning to use them instead of avoiding them or letting them give meaning about me or consume me. Ha….That’s what I am working toward anyway! Learn and grow Lori, learn and grow.

So this morning’s run was track work with 4-5 x 1200 meter intervals. I wasn’t really sure what to expect considering how fatigued my quads felt yesterday. I’ve also never done track work the day after a 20 mile trail run. I ate well yesterday trying to restore as much nutrients to my legs and hydrated well. 2 mile warm up 

my quads felt pretty heavy. The 1200 meter intervals were not at a max pace, but I knew they would still be a challenge.  It was a fun challenge though and amazingly enough the cobwebs in my thighs broke apart and the first 1200 felt quite good. Second was decent. I had the option to do 4 or 5 intervals. On the 3rd one the fatgued quad syndrome came back and I was thinking 4 would likely be plenty to serve it’s purpose. The 4th was a definite challenge most of the way, but still finished feeling strong….and not compelled to do 5 ;)  It was a really satisfying track workout. My mantra for the track was “relax and breathe”. I also really tried to “feel” the effort and pace for future reference i.e., what is my breathing like at this pace, how do I feel at this pace, what do my legs feel like at this pace...yadda yadda.

Boy this morning tested me. 4: 45 am run. 7 mi with 8x400 speed intervals followed by 2X 200 speedier intervals in -3 windchill blowing snow. It was tough and I wanted it to be easier, but very pleased with results #feelinglikeachamp

The weather was not cooperating nicely at all. 31 degrees and sleeting heavily. I had good excuses not to run. The roads were not in good shape, schools were closed, smart people were staying inside and running on treadmills. Coach would understand. I headed out. drove slowly to the preserve and veeery reluctantly got out of the car. I decided, "don't think, just do". My thoughts were filled with reasons not to go. I made sure I had everything I would need to be safe, warm, dry and went. Hit the first uphill and was greeted with icy dirt road making climbing difficult. The main preserve road was slicked over from the few vehicles that packed down the 3-4" snow and the sleet that had now been falling for some time. I groaned at the thought of 18 more miles of this. I stopped. Thought about how the road conditions on the highway were probably getting worse and what if I couldn't drive home? (I know full well that all I have to do is go slow and my car does fine on darn near any condition). I had good excuses to go back to the car I thought. Decision time I thought. Ok, all thoughts taken into account. Now what do I DO? I go.  I got off the main road and headed down a trail I explored a few days back. Now see? The softer untraveled fire road made for good footing, running in 3" pristine snow...only tracks were deer, elk, coyote, and mine from the other day. My legs were not spunky and often felt sluggish and tired. I worked my zones to the best of my ability and made it to 10 miles. I was so glad I didn't miss out. It took 10 miles, but my mind was coming around. At about 18 miles the sleet let up to a fine mist and all of a sudden, this big guy was right in front of me! I wasn't sure what to do...I had scared his girliefriends across the trail and he was looking at where they headed and at me. I wasn't sure I should risk crossing his path, so I turned back on to another trail. But man what I would have missed if I had not gone out today.  It is what we DO when we have those thoughts. It can be so hard to recognize there is a choice that thoughts don't have to determine anything.

First up this year is Cruel Jewel. Questions floating in my brain...are my legs REALLY gonna be able to do this whole series? I've never climbed 17,000ft in one race...in 56 miles to be exact. Am I gonna be crying with my tail between my legs after the very first race? I am terrified and excited....and terrified!  I don't feel like I need any answers. They won't come anyway, so why spend the energy trying to figure  what the outcome will be. There's no way to tell.  And I love that. So, like my kindergarten teacher said, "color hard". I am coloring and coloring and coloring....all kinds of training paintings (runs)....here's a few pics and a rundown of today's painting ~ a 10 miler on a large wildlife preserve near home...

32 degrees and snowing moderate to heavy with moderate wind. This would be a solo jaunt. Parked at the base of the preserve and warmed up for about 5-10 minutes before hitting the first hill. 

Here's Comb's bridge, near where I started my run, crossing the Illinois river

Climbed the first hill keeping a zone 3 to mostly 4a effort climbing to the top, about a 1/2-3/4 mile hill.  Plateued and ran across the top of the preserve for another 1/2 mile or so...

Hung a left off the preserve road onto a fire road, a less maintained forest service road.  I call it "no horse" road....there's a sign that says no horses. Original I know. I've never been down there, so this would be a new adventure. I didn't know how far or where it went, but had about 3-4 miles before I would need to turn around.

The trail/road undulated up and down mildly for a bit before taking a big downhill....And here I found the only ski slope in Oklahoma! You can't appreciate the downhill grade or the length...It's about a 12% downhill grade and about 3/4 mi long hill down and around the corner...and around another corner or two.

I came across this nice critter/bird house and couldn't resist a pic

Going down I ratcheted it back to zone 2 and relaxed and cruised down.  Another up in zone 3-4a and turned around at 5 miles.  Those ups and downs would now be in reverse.

At mile 8 I popped back on the preserve road. This gave me a chance to really play. My legs were feeling spunky from the up and down and the last 1/2 mile of fairly flat recovery.  I took off!  About 2 inches of snow under me on gravel road, road that would now be flat and down a 1/2- 3/4 mi hill to the base. My pace was in the 7s and then the 6s, it was a hoot!  Then a 1 mile of more relaxed recovery back to the van.  

This run looks like it aged me a bit! . 

I love this place...sweet, only mildly technical trail at times, and fairly long stretches of what you see here.

On today's agenda was 5 minute hill repeats getting into zone 4a to 5a, and making sure to hit 5a by the end. Coffee and my favorite fruit, kale and egg protein smoothie in, I made the hour and a half drive to Hobbs State Park for today's adventure. My new work schedule with rotating shifts offered me 3 weekdays off this week...penance will be paid Thursday, Friday, Saturday! But fortunately, that is still blissfully far away.  Kids off to school and me off to trails.  Got all nice n warmed up (not easy with 16 degree temp) and got down to the base of the hill.  Turned around and up I went. Got into zone 4a really quick, and 4b even quickier...like by 2 minutes. That made for a reaaaaallly long 3 minutes to go! hit 5a by 3 minutes and backed off a tad (It did not feel like I was backing off...just not getting ready to explode). I decided the last minute would be 5a all the way if possible. Holy lungs and heart exploding batman! I was glad I didn't have company on this run. I definitely looked and sounded to be in serious distress the last 2 minutes! Hands on knees at the end and back down the hill for round 2.  Round 2 and 3 proved to be equally challenging. Round 4 I was sure was going to be the death of me.  And then it was over!  It took about a mile of jog/run recovery before I got the spring back in my step (I wasn't sure it was going to return!). The next 4 miles were nice, some faster than others, but feeling pretty spunky all things considered. Never needed any fuel or water for this one...carried it, but just felt well fueled the whole way. 10 mi total today.

Stopped to catch a few pics....spotted this armadillo rooting around.  And leaning trees...there is something about leaning trees I love. They inspire me somehow. I can't put it into words how they make me feel, but they just humble me.

And then this bridge is awesome, it is on the drive to Arkansas...

"What if you striped away the need to know and the need for "meaning"'- Eric's comment on his blog post Today's Thoughts On Real Performance. Timely conversation. Those words, and comments by others rattled around in my brain yesterday and early this morning as I started to think about the race.  I tend to stress out more about the 5k - 10k races than the ultra distances...the farther the race the less "fear" I have. 5k and 10ks are so raw. For me it's a really stripped down way of assessing my speed, strength, endurance, training. No trees or rocks or roots or aid stations or porta potties to hide behind. No excuses of bonking, not drinking enough to explain a less than desirable performance. The shorter races are  little "tests" for me.  I tend to attach a lot of meaning to them, to every detail. "The finish line is the enemy to a runner" danced around between my ears.  I couldn't make those words and phrases make much sense. I got it, but I didn't get it.

Driving to Tulsa, I got more and more nervous. I had pace parameters set...what if I couldn't hold the pace...what would that mean? Then it started to click..."meaning = knowing and knowing is impossible". And then, "What if you striped away the need to know". And the answer came, If I stripped away the need to know, I would run without fear. At that moment all of the fear that had been building just disappeared. I visualized stripping away everything,...well... except my clothes ;)  I decided the finish line would not be my enemy, but my friend and my teacher. I wasn't going to let the finish line carry any meaning.  I would trust my training, my effort, my internal senses and just run in every moment. So here's how it went down....

I did my warm up just before the race and lined up. I was really excited and pleased to feel comfortable and ready to run. I was nervous, but it was a positive energy. I am absolutely TERRIBLE at going out of the gait too fast and burning up.  So I set my watch to alarm at me if I went under a 7min mile pace. The goal for this race was to stay between 7:00 and 7:20, so that's where I set the alarm. Well, sure enough, I shot out of there trying to convince myself I was at a 7:00 pace. Ding ding ding....I slowed a tad...ding ding ding....I slowed a tad...ding ding ding.... it was so difficult to bring myself down. My watch stopped dinging and I settled into around a 7:05-7:09min mi pace for the next 2-3 miles, I didn't realize until after the race that I paced just under a 7 for the first 10 minutes, it seemed like just a few that I was under. This pace felt upper end of moderate, but sustainable. There were 200 entrants. The lead pack of 4 or 5 runners was ahead of me. I was a good minute or more behind them and all by myself. It felt so good to be solo, just inside myself and breezing along. The race goes right alongside the riverparks and is a flat/fast course, out 5k and back 5k.  

By the turnaround my average pace was now 7:12. I was still pleased and felt like I was holding well. Tammy West, the lead female I knew well. We live in the same town and I often see her on my am runs. I cheered her when we passed eachother and told her, "go get em!" she was right there just trailing the front 3 guys. It was so cool, When I turned around and started heading back I started getting lots of cheers and "go!". I cheered them as well and yelled, "good job!" and waved. It was a hoot. I was getting quite tired though. By 4 miles I could tell I was struggling a little to keep the pace and knew I was likely slowing a little. I refused to look at my watch and just maintain as strong an effort as possible without blowing up. By 5 miles I was no longer cheering and waving much! The last mile I knew I was fading. I looked at my pace, 7:17...way to close to 7:20, so I picked it up and just gave it what I could to try and bring that number down. I drew into the finish line at 45:46...happy. Totally at peace and happy. It wasn't the time I wanted. I wanted to see 44:__ or even less, but I wasn't at all disappointed as I would normally be and that made me even happier. Of course I go back over the race in my head figuring where I could've done this or that, but there's no meaning attatched to it. This race didn't MEAN anything! It is a measure of my training, speed, endurance, etc...but it doesn't MEAN anything about me. I was fortunate to finish 2nd female, 1st in my age division and 5th overall. 

This one was a blast!  ….mostly because I wasn’t running it! Ha!  Kidding aside, I did really want to run this race...but... I was gonna get the best of both worlds. I would get to run some of the course, work the aid station with my kiddos, and cheer on other runners and enjoy the fact that their suffering was not mine! Muahhahaha.

This is a rugged, rugged course. Rocks and roots and leaves everywhere. Plenty of climbing and descending as well.  This is where I cut my teeth on trails...and knees, hands, elbows, and shoulder once or twice. In the summer it is muggy, hot, with some sections of these trails are almost completely covered with all kinds of poisonous plants (not to mention poisonous snakes) and brush. In the winter the leaves hide all of the sharp rocks well, making every step a new ankle strengthening experience. Now the thorny vines that the summer lush keeps hidden are revealed, evidenced by the scratches...only fully realized in the post run shower. She teaches me much every time I venture out there….when I’m willing to listen. I have fought her many times and she would just laugh and encourage me to relax and learn. She has been patient and kind to me. The OT is a mother to me.

My day started at 3am….again. Stirring the pot, I realized another first...making chili and cornbread at 3am. Really, who makes chili at 3am? Donuts at 3am yes, chili at 3am...just wrong. We loaded snowflake, our blonde lab and the 3 kids into the minivan and we were off pre dawn. Snowflake has not had a bath in...well, I don’t have any clue…. and brushed? Ha! Within 15 minutes the air was swirling with white hair and smells of chili and moldy dog. Me (highly caffeinated) smiling and chatting at Todd. Todd looking at me with that "I blame you for this" look. As you can see below, he came to life once he got out of the van and shook the ole legs out!

We arrived just after sunup and unloaded ourselves. Todd would be running the 25k. My plan was to help get the runners off, set up the chili, get the kids to the first aid station to help and I would leave the first aid station go up to the top and come back down for an 11 mile jaunt. We had a nice little surprise at the first aid station...the RD’s daughter playing the clarinet for the runners. Awesome!

I took off from the Big Cedar trail head and headed up. She did not disappoint, and I was quickly reminded of all the tricks and treats of this section of the Ouachita Trail.  She did not disappoint, and I was quickly reminded of all the tricks and treats of this section of the Ouachita Trail. She teaches the novice...and the stubborn that she is in charge.

Respect her, work with her, take what she gives you, and you will have an awesometacular day. I was very quickly caught by

 the lead runners. They were flying of course and chatting and looked good. (This pic credit goes to Tommy Brennan). I caught a few of the early starters and bid them good day as well.  It was nice to be able to relax and do my own thing without a sense of pressure. My focus was to climb steady, stay in zone 4b as much as possible on climbs and relax a little everywhere else.   Got to the top and chatted with Rick Snyder at the aid station. Very windy and chilly up there so didn’t linger long. Back down those switchbacks. 

Lots of hellos to all the runners coming up, many familiar faces and friends. Met Todd who was looking great as always and feeling good in general. Quick kiss and off I went.A little trail carnage here....Fortunately no major damage.

Last 2 miles I ran into another runner and we shared stories and took pictures of the rock glacier and spring.

We came upon the stream and I bid farewell, pulled my shoes and socks off and soaked.

With my little jaunt over I joined up with the kiddos at the aid station and we went back to start/finish and 

served chili and soup as we made new friends and reunited with old.

When Jeff sent out a call for anyone to join him on a expedition to shoot some pics of a waterfall, he had hoped would be frozen, I was in! I’ve seen some of his work, he takes amazing pictures in amazing places. Fortunately, I happened to be off work on Friday, and fortunately, I needed a good trail run. Luck was on my side. My only request was that he would point me to a good “hilly” trail. He wanted to get the pics at sunup which meant a 3am alarm...small price to pay. First stop was a ridge view. Up a twisty steep dirt road. Hopped out of the truck and looked around. I was like, ok….we’re gonna take pictures of a bunch of trees.  Then down the trail we headed. And there it was..and for the first time the picture really does do the view justice! Amazing!...and amazingly LONG freaking way down! I have more than a healthy fear of heights, but I managed to get on my belly and worm my way to the edge to peek over.

Next up...the biggest herd of elk i’ve ever seen. And two locking horns...

More twists and turns and we were to the trail leading to Glory Hole. Once again, the pictures do true justice. Jeff was a little bummed she wasn’t frozen for the shots he wanted, but she did not disappoint. She sang her song of praise with flow and beauty that would put any human muscial artist to shame and allowed the light to dance on her walls showing off her glory.

Now it was time for me to hit the trails. Jeff dropped me off at BRT trail….I believe that means Boxley Ridge Trail (yes, I’m a moron). A well marked...ahem...WELL MARKED... 11 mile trail up and down the boxley ridges. After deciding how long it would likely take me to get to the other side, and when he’d start looking for me if I didn’t show, we parted ways and I was off. It was a cold day for us! 20 and very windy. A flowing low water bridge crossing right off the bat woke my feet up!  They were happy at the wake up call. Like a dog whose master grabs the car keys..they knew what that cold shock meant and were excited. The climbing started pretty quick. It was around 9:30 am and the sun was peeking through the trees. I geared down and climbed. Maintaining a moderate effort up. A few switchbacks, tons and tons of leaves and single track mildly to mod technical trail before me. Got to the top and ate some Pocket Fuel and downed some water and looked around. Vistas with old barns and ponds and river views.

Continued on down the trail and up and down a bit. Here is a pic of the sun just beaming through the trees setting the leaves on fire! 

Lots of trees down across the trail from recent ice storms and high winds. This combined with the leaf cover had 

me darting off the trail and having to backtrack a few times. About 9 miles in 

on the side of a ridge with reaaaallly heavy leaf cover I suddenly realized I was no longer on the trail. I backtracked a bit….no trail. Hmm.

 I knew in the last 2-3 miles I would top out the last ridge, and likely the last mile or so would be down.  I judged where I was on the ridge and figured I had probably just dropped down off the trail. I looked at my watch to make sure I knew where I was at that point, what time it was, etc. and up I went. I zig zagged 10 minutes up. No trail.  No white blazes. I zig zagged back to my start point. Well, maybe the trail was down from me. Mistake #1, I really should’ve known better than this, as the ridge down was reaally steep and it really made no sense for the trail to go there, but down I went. Mistake #2... going down for 10 minutes.. Now I knew I was nowhere near the trail. I looked up and really didn’t want to climb back up.

Below me now I could see a field and the highway. I knew It looked deceptively close and was likely more like 3-4 miles to the hwy. I was starting to get nervous about time. I started thinking I could make it to the road quicker than I could make it back up and (hopefully) find the trail right away and get to jeff...and that was Mistake #3, so down further I went...a greater than 45% grade. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for me to realize just how stupid this was...actually the river, which was now before me helped me realize this. I saw that river and went, “Oh Lori! You dumbass! You knew that river was there!”...and “What made you think that nice, pretty lush field would be butted right up to the mountain without a river?” ). After cursing myself for about 5 minutes and knowing that swimming the river was NOT any kind of option that day, I reluctantly rolled over and climbed hands, knees, feet up the ridge. As I climbed I thought how it would sound when Jeff called todd  to let him know he lost me in the mountains. I imagined how stupid I would feel when the forest rangers found me...and so on.  After a bit more I decided to send up a little prayer...like a child who knows they done wrong..it went something like, “Ok, Lord...I know I haven’t talked to you much these past few days...and, Oh by the way, thank you for all this beauty around me and the opportunities you give me (yes Lord, I’m sucking up)...and...awe heck, I’m lost, can you help me find the trail?” And boom, I hadn’t even finished my prayer and I was standing right on the trail. Feeling pretty embarrassed, I scampered on. Very quickly a giant buck ran right in front of me. Big white tail flashing, he was solo. Can’t put into words how I felt at that moment.

Within a mile I saw Jeff hiking up the trail to meet me. I was hollering the whole way down at him, “That was #$%ing awesome!!!”, “I got totally @#$!ing lost!!”.

These two trees really wanted to be in the picture, so they leaned over for the shot.

All but the last 3 photos were taken by Jeffrey Genova, President at NWA Racing. Thanks Jeff.

Skyrunner = Runs distance + vertical. Circumstances changed. I didn't make Tahoe 200, Western States 100, Wasatch 100.  My luck sucks...or is awesome, depending on how one looks at it. These "no's" made

 me question what I really want to do. What REALLY charges me as a runner?  Well, I wanna be a skyrunner! Picking tahoe 200 and Tor  Des geants is evidence of what I love, but if I wanna be a skyrunner, then why not do the US Skyrunning series? Before I thought of all the reasons why NOT to do the series, I decided to DO it, and let it fall in place. Doesn't that just sound silly?! I'm a grown woman, 40 no less! I'm old enough to know better than to have such silly dreams. Or am I? It's gonna be a whollottahellahard, and living at 400ft above sea level imparts no advantage. At the very least, it should be interesting to watch as I progress through this series. I have no great running resume. Actually, if you were to peruse my finishing times at altitude you would see they rather suck. But with plenty of room to improve, here we go! Oh, and I do expect few black toenails!

Well I'll be darned!   Man howdy, I have been on the strength program! Doing the upper and lower body circuit straight out of the CI book even some advanced moves....exceeept for the balance sequence. You know the very first foot exercises?  I thought since I have been training with Eric now for a couple of years, I was far beyond the simple balance exercises....I mean, I 

did those 2 years ago...I can do leg lifts on the balance board now and fitball lunges and pistols and frog lifts...why would I need to do the simple balance sequence?  It's too easy, I'm way past that stuff. Surely my feet are strong like kangaroo! Well over th

e weekend I triggered a little pain in my right foot. I was a little perplexed...I mean, Im doing all the REAL exercises now, near daily, my running is going smoothly, blah blah blah. Then eric asked if I was doing the balance sequence.  Well no, that's kids stuff coach. I'm way past that. He says, "do the balance sequence with one pole". Booorrriiing I thought, but ok coach. Oh jeez...I couldn't do 45 seconds. My feet felt weak. I wobbled all over the place! I certainly couldnt do 45 seconds in all three positions! I was barely able to go through 2 positions alternating legs.  My feet and calves begged me not to do the last position. Really kindof pissed me off, Ha! Here I am thinking I'm all that....look I can run an ultra...look I can do scorpions..pistols? I'm getting em!...but put me on the slant board...with a pole even, and viola...weakness revealed (by no means my only weakness!), but wow, what a realization!
 

That was my thought on number 8 of my 8 x 200meter sprints. Holy sheeshums those were tough! As usual very nervous prior to speedwork this morning. The warm-up was all about thinking about the speedwork to come. I did 6 x 200 at the same pace last week and struggled, so I was worried there was no way I was going to be able to do 8. And of course those thoughts..."well if you were less of a sissy, you could do them with greater ease". "If you were tougher, they wouldn't seem as hard". Hehe..fortunately I just recognized those thoughts, said "hello" to them, and moved past...I don't have to OWN them. Those thoughts are fear and fear is ok, it's supposed to be there. It means I'm at the edge of my comfort zone and this is where cool things happen....or cold things...it was very cold! ...Sorry, ADD kicking in. After 3 of those I completed the next 5 with hands on knees at the end of each one, then walking, then jogging to recover for 200 meters before the next rep. Next up were 3 x 400s. These I remembered as being a little easier from last week but didn't know how I would feel after doing a couple extra 200s over last week. Once again they were tough, the last 50 meters seemed like 100, but finished those feeling strong and recovered between. And the pic? Not from today! Ha!! Just got tired of posting pics of freezing cold weather!!! It does depict how I felt finishing all those #$%^ing intervals thought! Warm wishes to all out there!  

Got the to treat myself to a run the Riverparks paved trails along the banks of the Arkansas river in Tulsa. This is a great place do do speed work. Flat smooth trails that go forever along the river. Lots of runners and bikers along the way. Often I never see anyone on my trail runs.  Lots of nods and smiling faces today. The wind at my back going out and a strong headwind coming back made good resistance training. I was nervous as I always am when speed/high HR zone work is on the agenda. Will I be able to hold the effort for that long? That many times? And then once I get going the fun of the challenge.

First trail run of 2014!  ..and it hit! ...I WILL be running a 200 mile mountain race this year!  either Tahoe 200 or Tor Des Geants. This has already spurred me to think a little different about training and paying attention to different things as I run trails. Normally, I look at my long trail run for the day and base my effort on how long THAT run is. I often treat my long runs like races, “Ok how fast can I go in that amount of time” or “I want to stay high in whatever hr zone is designated for different segments” Even if the run is intended to be “easy” I will find the “upper end of easy”.My focus was on form as I ran, but only to sustain me for that run...and if I got a little sloppy toward the end or when I was tired, I didn’t feel the need to stay focused..the run was almost over, or at least I knew the consequences wouldn’t be significant. If I want to complete a 200 miler, I’m going to have to learn a few things, some things I am aware of and but most things I will learn I cannot predict and don’t want to.

My biggest fear?  Injury. I have yet to finish a 100 miler that was not significantly hindered by R knee pain...IT band. How the Hell am I going to do 200?  with over 70,000 feet of elevation gain if I get into TDG?  The climbing doesn’t scare me...as much….it’s the descending. That’s where my knee has been the issue. The last 50 miles of Leadville were spent limping any downhill.

Today on the trail I was thinking as I climbed, “how do I climb and keep it comfortable all the way, how do I hike efficiently?”. I made myself descend easy enough to be able to keep my feet under me, refusing to reach, refusing to plow...which I think is a lot of the knee/IT issue. Running down comfortable, not banging around trying to make up speed or see how fast I could get to the bottom to make up for how long it took me to get to the top. Just starting to think...beyond the realm of today’s run. ...To think like I’m going to run forever.

I thought a lot about the runners racing for 6 days in Arizona. Joe Fejes ran over 555 miles, Yiannis Kouros just behind at 551. With that close of a finish after 144 hours of racing, you know they gave everything they had all the way. Liz Bauer, 54, first female with 415 miles. And why do we run?  Look at these folks...Joe age 48, Yiannis 57 and Liz 54….running is OBVIOUSLY bad for you, you know. They will surely need knee replacements by the time they are 112. Why do people who don’t run and some who do think we must be punishing ourselves for some reason, or running away from something or desperate to lose weight? We can’t possibly be running for the simple joy of it, to connect with nature or humanity or ourselves or whatever the Hell we want to connect with? Oh and then running is ok, but not running 200 miles, or 6 days! Ha...it may take me 6 days to run 200 miles, and much of what I may be doing might not actually look much like running, it may not even look like walking at some points!

The trails invited me in with the twinkling dry snow, glistening in the breaking dawn. The trees rustled, as if to say, “Oh good!, someone to notice and enjoy what we have to offer today, come! Look around!”. Frozen mountain bike tracks on the trail, rocks and roots and leaves. Icy cold breath under a buff, twisty upward trails, cold eyelashes hitting my cheeks when I blinked hard from eyes watering in the wind.  My thoughts drifting here and there. Oops, my second pair of tights slipping down to mid thigh-forgot to pull the second pair up good after hitting the FREEZING COLD parking lot potty...Snot...lots of snot, good snot rocket practice...and, purpose number 103 for the good ole buff. Sunlight flickering and dancing between trees, squirrels scurrying. Smooth flats where I got to open up my hips, stretch out and fly.