So enter the Cool Impossible strength program. I ended my season in 10/31/13 with persistent aches and pains that would flare even on shorter runs.  Over my 3 week break, my knee settled down, but my R achilles and heel flared a little. I was nervous that starting back up again would make things worse, that my knee would flare, that the heel pain and tight Achilles would get worse and that I wouldn't even be able to get off the ground with running again. OHHHH the humanity! ha! Enter the Cool Impossible strength program. I started the upper body while on break and the lower body 3 weeks ago. Aches and pains are subsiding week by week….as my running is increasing! I love it! I go exercise by exercise in the book. I decided to start with one easier one and then the harder ones, finishing with the easiest ones...by then I’m tired and the easy ones aren’t so easy!

My favorite exercises?  The toughest ones for me of course!  The ones I am having to really work at and be patient to gain mastery… scorpions--I’m almost there...I can do 10!  Lunges with fit ball using slant board...adding the slant board has made  these particularly challenging...And my new favorite...Pistol squats.  I can only do about 5-10 flat footed without poles. Not really sure what to do with my hands without poles, so I just pray...hands together... that I don’t bust my ass!

And, ohhhhh the 20 minute test. Coaches instructions…”make your effort comfortably hard”. He reminded me not to expect too much or place too much on this test as it is following a rest period, we haven’t really started training again. I knew this would be difficult for me. I wanted to go as far as I possibly could in 20 minutes.  And I wanted it to be farther than my last 20 min test.  My ego whispered, “Lori, the last time you did that test you went as hard as you could.. If you don’t again, you surely won’t come close to your last test”. So of course,  I probably went out to hard...who me? Never!  by 10 minutes I was considering quitting. There was nothing “comfortably anything” about what I was doing. I was not moving as fast as I wanted, and not only that, I was slowing. I could feel it, and I got mad. For the next 5 minutes I just pushed that fine line of blowing up and quitting, thinking of good excuses to give coach for not completing the test. The next 5 minutes I tried to relax and back off to “almost comfortably hard”...or at least, “not desperate to quit hard” effort...or maybe just “not fighting as hard, hard” (ahem- yes I’m crazy, I know)...I mean really, who thinks like this?!  I survived the 20 minutes. Not real pleased with anything that occurred physically or mentally in that 20 minutes, and still wondering what I learned. Right now I’m still a little huffed and disappointed...  hmmm….ego?  ego check?  anybody (LORI) listening?

Lots of strength work! I actually stared the upper body exercises from The Cool Impossible book about 4 weeks ago and added the lower body exercises 2 weeks ago.  I basically just follow the book pic by pic. Have not developed the strength/stamina yet to start the advanced exercises, but plan to start the stability disc this week...that should be interesting!! I can easily do 2 full reps of lower body without losing good form.  I can just barely now after 4 weeks do 1 full rep of every basic upper body exercise.  HOLY COW!  I have ab muscles!!! I got ready to hop in the shower this morning and looked in the mirror and noticed em for the first time! Not just individual ab muscles..which is way cool,  but I can see muscles between my ribs and my back that weren't there a month ago! Nice to see evidence of effort!!!....cuz I don't particularly look forward to the strength work! More than that I can FEEL the effect. My running feels stronger, I can't really explain that one in more detail. I just feel more stable when I run, less upper body motion maybe? Like I'm running more as one unit, upper and lower body, not independent of eachother.  A tip for anyone who has shoulder problems out there like me...I notice if I don't lock my elbows, my shoulder will twinge...as soon as elbow is locked, the shoulder is stable and pain free.  There are some exercises that require you to bend the elbow and I just have to be cautious and focus on using the muscles of my back and abs to stabilize...which is the whole point of the exercise...and NOT  try to compensate by loading that shoulder. Also keeping my arms where they are supposed to be...not too far out.

So running...Just 2 weeks in.  I had some R heel and R achilles stiffness/pain that was post Leadville and lingered on through rest/recovery. Starting back up I was worried it would get worse. The opposite seems to be occurring. It seems to be melting away a little day by day. I think the gradual start up and the more intense focus on strength has been key. I am pleasantly surprised. And surprised that I am surprised. This has been tried and true over the past 2 years with various aches or pains that crop up. Oh! AND...I got to do my first TRAIL run!!!!!!! Woot!  And it was a sloppy, slickery mess of a run, lol!!  It was a blast!  Snowy, icy, muddy, rainy trails. Heaven.

MSH

I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom comes responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended. Nelson Mandela

Wow, what a first week back at it! 2014 Cool Impossible formulated and now in black and white! I decided I want to document this year week by week. My training and progression and racing. I encourage you to do the same. It’s a great way to learn from each other, encourage, and challenge.

So, 3 weeks off...my last run prior to taking off it was 60 degrees and blazing fall folliage. Today 9 degrees running on ice. Welcome to Oklahoma. 9 degrees is a PR for me. I started the strength program as well. Working the foot/leg and upper body strength program from The Cool Impossible. I had some issues over the past 2 years at the longer distances. I am hoping with some real dedication to the training/strength process I will be able to complete the 100+ distance and the more rugged/steep climbing descending without flaring this up. I want to be able to RACE a full 100 miles and beyond.

Getting back into the foot/leg strength woke those calves up! Def experienced some soreness!  Oh and the burn in those gluts and hips! Reminding myself to lock the stance leg focus on where I’m supposed to feel those exercises. And the upper body! Ha!  getting back on that fit ball after some time of ignoring it! After a few days of just trying to stay on the damn thing, I got to focus on form. The scorpions are the most challenging...and the most fun. I struggle with my R rotator cuff, and recently really pissed it off working on my rock skipping form with my sons, so I was worried about how my shoulder would handle the positions. Amazingly, it has not aggravated this, I think the shoulder pain has actually helped me to keep from loading my shoulders in attempt to lessen the work of my back/abs..so my shoulder actually keeps my using the muscles I’m supposed to use.

The one piece of advice that rings in my head as i’m doing these, is to perform them to my ability. When i feel my form break/not able to hold the position the way intended I end the rep and take a break. Right now I’m not up to full number of reps on upper body and am only doing one full set of each. On lower body I’m doing slant board only 20 reps, 2 sets. My stability disc should be in mail, but want to get to 3 sets of 25 on the slant board with the leg lifts before moving on to the stability disk. The lunges I can do 20 reps, 2 sets flat footed. Have not moved to slant board yet. Sooo. That’s where I’m at with the strength program.

Running easy runs this week on odd days with one long run today….on ice!  Eric said it would cause me to use good form. I doubted this just a tad. I thought trying to run on ice would cause me to be sloppy and awkward. I was pleasantly surprised. It forced me to take short quick steps, landing on my forefoot with heel coming down next. I noticed I stood taller/straighter, leaning forward any would cause me to slip. My knees driving and my feet staying under me, ankle not extending past knee….naturally. Weird but cool. I did slip once or twice which was actually kinda fun. I got funny looks from drivers...Ha! i ran faster than some drove! We don’t get much snow/ice here...the “snowpocalypse” of 2013. We got an inch of ice and 4 of snow. No bread or milk available at the stores before the first drop of sleet fell...really!

So that’s it!  week one down! How was yours?!

Alright boys and girls, here it is…..My 2014 Cool Impossible…

1. “5” as the first number in my 1 mile test….AND

2. Top 10 femal finish at Cayuga 50 mile USATF championships in June...AND

3. IF I am in the 6% that gets selected from the Western States Lottery, a top 5 age division finish, AND

4. Speedgoat finish-(not sure yet what I want that one to look like), AND

5. Tor Des Geants finish top 10 female if I get in, if not ..Tahoe 200 with a top 5 female finish.

Lori’s Grand Damn Slam! Ha!

How the hell did I come up with that?  And what the hell makes me think that it might even be possible? Some ego she’s got eh? Nope. The exact opposite will have to be true.. It will ONLY be possible if I lose the ego. I don’t exactly understand that concept myself... yet, but I’m gonna have to learn it this year. “let go of what you THINK you can do and grab hold of what you WANT to do”... I told Karen Blackert that as I read her thoughts considering her own cool impossible. I could hear myself in her writing thinking the same thoughts, following the same path.  The safe road when trying to formulate my cool impossible, “what’s the next step based on my performance last year?”, “What is the natural progression?”, “What SHOULD my next cool impossible be?”. and my response to her, I only realized today is my response to myself….let loose of what you THINK you can do and grab hold of what you WANT to do.  

Stand on that weaving 12 inch podium...remember the one Lori?  The one that’s 50 feet up? The one you climbed when you were 15 at summer camp, that one...swaying, you felt nauseated and scared. The tree tops rustling, you thought they were laughing at you, asking you what you thought you were doing up there with them. Your knuckles white as you grasped the clips and ropes tied to your waist...the ropes laughing at your fear. The trapeze just a little too far to reach out and grab..you have to JUMP to get it.  You have to let go of the ropes that are securely tied to your waist and jump. You were so caught up in the outcome...GETTING the bar. You didn’t want to jump because you didn’t KNOW if you could GET the bar. you jumped, but you never let go of the ropes to reach. Lori, you can’t know the outcome, but grab the bar or fall….it doesn’t matter, either way you will land safely. It’s all about what you do between the platform and the bar… so let go and jump!

Make shit happen ;)

Putting together my cool impossible for 2014. Like a child on Christmas Eve with visions of sugar plums dancing in her head... except my sugarplums have words printed on them like Tor Des Geants, Tahoe 200, Hardrock, Western States, Wasatch, Cayuga.. My brain dances with words and phrases, conversations with coach, “I don’t want to level off, I want to improve”, “Do I have the potential to develop into a more competitive ultrarunner?”. Statements made by the likes of Aristotle, “The true nature of a thing is the highest it can become” and coaches response, “And height is infinite!”. Can  I see a “5” in my 1 mile test in 2014?. Skyrunning World Series. “Maybe something to think about long term is to become one of the best age groupers in the country”- before I’m in my 70s! I want to maximize what I can accomplish..raw speed, strength, speed endurance, climbing endurance...that’s all.  Dreaming to dream. All of this culminating into a cool impossible for 2014.  Cool impossible, such a weird quirky couple of words stuck together.  What does that mean?  It takes me back to 2011. Ha!...WAY back!.....

I was preparing to run my first 100 miler. It was Pumpkin Holler Hunnerd 10/15/2011. 7 months prior to that day I didn’t know ultras existed.  My farthest run was Tulsa Run 15k.  In April I ran my first half marathon. June I ran a 50k, my first time on trail, and determined that trail runners were stupid. In July I completed my first 50miler-road. At that point I had not ever “raced” ...and had no intention of ever “racing”. The only “racing” I had ever experienced was my very disappointing performance on the JV track team in high school. I was embarrassed to even go to track meets.  My goal at pumpkin was to complete a 100. I was so nervous, I had no idea if I could actually do it. In the days before the race I became a complete mess...I questioned my hydration and fueling plan, my clothing choices, my water bottles, I was terrified.  A phone call to coach, Eric pre-race.  I was hoping for last minute tips on such things as what to do and what not to do, confirming details of hydration and fueling and? Well, I got, “Demand the impossible!”. That’s it. It was not helpful.  What the #$%! does “demand the impossible” mean? I had determined my coach was completely out of touch...or high. Great, great!  Demand the impossible!  Thanks coach! I grumbled. I continued on a nervous wreck!

The next morning I started the 100. I was told I was going too fast by friends...that I would crash.  I felt good. I was walking hills and running comfortable. I stuck to the hydration and fueling plan. I decided there was no point questioning my race plan at this point, just do it, follow the plan..eat, drink, don’t change what you are doing, trust. HA! I thought. If it all goes wrong I’ll just blame my coach! ….”Demand the impossible!”.  I had plenty of miles to wonder what the heck he meant by that phrase. Does he mean it might be impossible to finish the race and I should demand myself to finish? I was so caught up in following my plan and pondering my coach’s obvious loss of his senses that I didn’t notice I was moving up. I was passing and passing.  I came to around 60 miles and an older gentleman said, “you are pacing well” I recognized him as an experienced ultra runner I had heard about. It made me feel good. I started paying attention. I came to the start of the last loop and was told I was second place female. The first female was about ¼ mile in front of me at around mile 70.  It struck me. “Demand the impossible”.  Demand the impossible! The impossible would be for me to win. Really?! To be the first girl across the finish. “Holy $%#!” I thought, THAT’S what he meant! I told my pacer, “let’s go!” We passed her at around mi 75. Ha! Now was my first experience at being in the front with 25 long miles left to go!  I developed a wicked knee pain at mile 90is and by 95 miles I was reduced to a limpy walk. I still managed to come in first female, demanding the impossible for 25 miles. That’s all I said in my brain, over and over and over again for nearly 25 miles, “demand the impossible”. The last 5 miles I wasn’t demanding anything, I was hoping to hold my lead and finish.  I also apologized mentally to my coach for my thoughts toward him! I pulled it off. Came in first female and I think 6th overall.  I could hardly wait to tell him what happened.  From there to here.  From here to where? I say, Demand the impossible!

So I was sick all week, but gradually improving and by Friday morning thought I might even up my entry to the 50 mile. Why?  Just for the sheer joy of running long, one more reaaallly loooong run. My legs and my spirit were feeling great.  However,  I had developed strep throat early in the week, but with antibiotics on board, by Thursday was feeling more normal again. Friday morning's ez run felt great, but I had also started to develop a cough and runny nose. 1 kid at home with strep throat, the other with bronchitis....as it turns out I would end up with both. Funny how one refuses to listen to ones own body despite how adamantly she insists she does. Ahem.  So Friday night I ran fever and coughed all night. I laughed at the thought of running 50 miles but still believed I could run 25. Bwhahaha! 

I had one sole purpose. To get out and run for the pure joy of running..to race and enjoy racing...in the most beautiful fall weather and foliage we've had in years. To chase other runners...just one more time before my break. To just soak it all in and enjoy it. So coffee and breakfast down still trying to convince myself I felt better than I did, we were off to the start. The adrenaline kicked in and I was feeling very good when the race director started us. I felt great! For about 5 miles. Then the faucet turned on and the coughing started. I had opted to carry two handhelds. I wanted to see if I could pass up an aid station here or there and see if I liked 2 handhleds vs a pack. Then the snot poured. It was actually hilarious, and I was glad no one was around me at this point. My hands occupied with the bottles strapped to them made managing the downpour of snot near impossible. I would pull one handheld off and hold both in one hand and try and blow snot rockets, wipe, whatever. to control the fountain all the while running fast and trying not to trip on the millions of rocks and roots under the leaves. I had snot in my hair, all over my face, my shirt, my gloves, my handhelds...I looked like I had been slimed by the little green creature from Ghost Busters! I was glad I did not encounter the race photographer. By 8 miles my chest was getting tighter. At 9-10 miles I stopped at the potty to regroup and clean up. I got colder and tighter, coughing more. I FINALLY realized I had no business running any further, it was not necessary. I had fulfilled my goal. I could've finished it, but would have ended up a miserable mess by the end. I wanted to remember a good day. 

I walked back to the aid station and a quick ride back to the start finish where a warm building awaited. Sooo grateful to Josephine for making the strongest pot of coffee she could muster while I tried to hork a lung up on her floor. The caffeine and her kindness were just what I needed, opened my lungs back up and I could breathe again within about 20 minutes. I sat inside for a bit thinking about my run.  I debated whether or not I should have ever started out that day. Once I warmed up and settled down I went back outside and bantered with the race director, other volunteers and cheered on runners as they came through. I realized at the end of the day, I had really accomplished my mission. And yes, I should've started out that day, I got more than I asked for.  I got to run fast and free one more time, catching the most beautiful fall weather...likely the last of it. I got to chase other runners, laugh at myself, encourage and enjoy other's company. I was totally fulfilled. It was a great last run.

My last race for the year is Saturday....and then...gasp...sigh...moan..I am going to take 3 weeks off running.  It even hurts to type it. This will be the first time in a year I've taken voluntary break from running. I don't want to, but I grasp that I need to...barely. Right now I'm savoring every run as if it were my last...really quite silly. Disturbing and reassuring at the same time.  Frightening to be so passionate about something that you don't even want to let go for a little while. Reassuring that something so wonderful has become such an integral part of who I am and the creature I am becoming.

Soooo, I am screeching into the final days before I take a break.  3 weeks is nothing really....really Lori.

I got up at 6am...nice to be able to sleep in for a 9am race start! Got my coffee and breakfast down feeling very anxious. Road races are not what I'm used to, especially recently. I haven't been on anything but trail since last winter. The bigger source of anxiety for me is the fact that road races = speed tests... for coach to see where I am at and what we need to work on.  It's a test of my raw speed and endurance. I tend to feel very exposed and vulnerable. I was anxious for sure, but not as much as usual....mainly because of a post I read here on Eric's website.  

A "newbie" posted about his history which reminded me of mine followed by a question..."My average mile time is 10min...Is it reasonable that I can get to 7.5-8 min?"  I thought about what my average time was 3 years ago....and what I was shooting for today.  I thought "you bet it is, let me show you!!!!"  That's what I had in my brain. I wanted to show this newbie that you betcha, I did...and then some... and I was going to see just how fast I could make that min/mi time be today, so he could shoot for that and then some too.

This and mantras "I want this", "you've got this" floating in my brain along with eminem's "lose yourself" humming as I did my pre race warm up. I was warming up nicely and feeling fairly calm. Over 4,000 15 k runners and about 5,000 5k runners were out there today. A huge crowed. Some sweet memories of Boston floated in and out. I lined up and moved up toward the front where I could see pacing groups close to where I was hoping to land. 2 minutes before the gun fired, guess what song started blaring?? "Lose yourself" By Eminem..."lose yourself in the music, the moment, you want it, you better never let it go..."  Perfect timing I thought. I smiled and the gun fired.  Coach had set up some loose pacing parameters for me...The first 3k I would run at a 7:30-7:45 pace.  I was running a 7-7:15 and feeling like I was holding back.  I tried to make myself slow down but couldn't so, I determined I would not go under 7:10, I would compromise.  I cruised at that pace for the first 3k. From 3K to around 10k I was to increase my pace to 7:15-7:30.  I was still in the 7-7:15 range and feeling strong so I stayed there.  I felt strong and good, upper end of moderate feel, but not hard. I held this to the turnaround at 7.5K. The kilometers clicked off so fast!  At the turnaround I amped my effort up a little and held my pace. At 15k to finish I was to try and increase my pace to 7-7:15 "if possible"....I was already there and holding it.  I was pretty tickled....getting tired and effort harder to maintain, but pleased. The last 5k I planned to be painful and it was. The last 3k is a real squeeze as you go up a series of small hills to the finish, like a ladder.  My pace dropped the last 2.5 miles to 7:20-7:45, but I gave those stinkin' hills all I had and the last 3-5k was every bit as painful and looong as I had anticipated it would be so I embraced it and said, "you've got this" over and over and "just lose yourself". I finished in 1:08. 3rd female in my age division of over 300 runners deep.  In 2010 I finished in 1:45 min....well over an 11min mile pace. So I say to Daniel Krage....YOU BET YOU CAN! And.....thank you for your post, it motivated me to see just how fast can I make those min/mi splits be for you to see what you can do.....and then some.   

the 25k was a small piece of my Pumpkin Holler experience. I am now beginning to realize how incredibly enriching an “event” can be. I’ve missed out on “the event” for much of the last 3 years of my racing. Showing up just before the race and leaving soon after.

This event is right in my backyard. It’s on the Illinois river and takes  the backroads around  the hollers in NE Oklahoma. Undulating dirt roads with a few  good  ½ to 2 mile climbs, depending on which event you chose...the 25k 50k 100k or 100 mile.  It’s a fast course  as far as ultras  go. An awesometacular course to tackle for your first ultra, and in particular your first 100 miler.  TATUR racing does the event, and in my opinion, has the best race support and best  aid stations. Complete with waffles, soup, homemade cookies/brownies, and on and on and on….and on. The aid stations have plenty of help to help runners and never run out of what you need… most of all encouragement and enthusiasm.

We showed up at 7:30am, Todd running the 50K which would start at 8 , and I the 25k which started at 10am. I was much more relaxed knowing I was only doing the “fun run”. Lots of nervous runners getting ready to go out for the 50k - 100mi races. Helped with the aid station, packet pick up and got to shoot the breeze with friends and acquaintances from other races.It was fun to feel helpful and like I was giving something back. Before I knew it, it was time to get ready for my race start. I was nervous for a few reasons. This is my home, so of course I feel a little more pressure to do well. I also have been struggling with my R knee and R achilles a bit. I was feeling fairly sluggish at Canyon De Chelly last weekend and was worried I would feel the same way today. I had done well all week, but day before the race the R knee flared up a little. Ahhh...And then there was last year’s performance. I almost blew up. I expected myself to win. hahaha! High expectations! There were 3 girls that shot outta there with their asses on fire. I chased them...and gradually fell further and further behind running as hard as I could. It was sad really. I was mad and embarrassed that I couldn’t keep up, embarrassed that I thought I should be able to keep up. Mad that it was soooo hard, Waaaaaaa!. By around 9 miles I was really pissed off and completely exhausted. I had lost sight of them altogether and was wanting to quit pretty bad. I had run myself ragged and wouldn’t let go. I finished, very disappointed and frustrated. It was 15.5 very miserably painful miles...of my own making.

Coach and I are working on helping me be a smarter/more patient racer. Holding back a little and seeing how this helps me. I fear if I hold back any, my times will only be worse. I now had last year’s time as a benchmark in my head as well. How much worse would I do if I held back? Surely my time would be significantly slower. I busted my ass last year effort wise, no holding back.  And what if I didn’t finish well in the lineup? How hard would it be to let the leaders go? First and foremost I did not want to feel as miserable as I did last year. We had decided I would run the first ½ to ¾ of the race “feeling like you have another gear”.

I took off for a warm up pre race. Immediately I felt a biting sensation in my R achilles. Dangit. This biting/burning sensation continued throughout the warm up. I started to wonder what my knee and achilles would do once I started to race.

I came to the start line and met Merry McCoul, another runner I had connected with last year. We chatted and the gun fired. I made myself go out watching heart rate and keeping my effort in check. I was determined not to repeat last year no matter where that put me time or place wise. Merry’s relaxed calm nature rubbed off and she and I ran together for a while. We enjoyed eachothers company. I had never started a race chatting with anyone. It was nice to feel relaxed. After a ways, my heart rate was where I wanted it and my effort seemed like I had more than 1 gear left so I picked it up just a little. We also had a goal for me to stay under heart rate zone 4b, also to assure I was not going too hard. Upper zone 4a and low 4b felt pretty dang good.

I was enjoying my run, feeling strong, feeling like I was holding back. Temps were in the mid 30s and the crisp air felt good. I pulled away from Merry, putting me lead female.  I made sure I felt good enough to do this, I didn’t want to regret it later knowing Merry is very experienced with a great track record. We hit the first climb, a 2 mile climb, which I was able to run in its entirety, I backed my effort down, watching my heart rate, increasing my foot turnover and running likely as slow as one can run without walking. My achilles and knee were pretty silent which pleased me. I smiled as I climbed. I really liked how I was feeling! Got to the top and picked up my pace again, watching the heart rate and backing off if it felt hard. Hit the first aid station at mile 4.5...they had waffles!  I could smell the sweetness and syrup. I passed. I would’ve puked em anyway. The scent drew two gents in and I passed them. I sipped from my handheld filled with water as I went. I had ate a huge breakfast about 2 hours before the race...another something we decided to try, getting about 500-600 calories in that pre race meal to see if it would boost my energy level. Normally Its about 300-400 calories. I was pleased with the result and my stomach was happy.

I cruised across the plateau, about another 2 miles before hitting a 1 mile fairly steep descent. I was anxious to see how my knee would take this. Descending is where the pain usually hits. My knee started to whine a little. I determined to try a shorter stride and really focus on keeping that R foot under the knee...not reaching out past it any.  Viola!!! Holy cow, I think I figured it out!  It worked!  I am overstriding even though I didn’t think I am.. As long as I didn’t reach out past the knee with that R foot my knee was happy. I was happy and I flew down passing another gentleman. He caught me at the bottom and passed me. The 7.5 mile turnaround aid station was just ahead. I had 1 gel and my now half full handheld and cruised right on around the aid station leaving him at the aid station. a mile of flat and then back up that 1 mile hill. I decided at the turnaround I would increase my effort just a little. I increased my turnover again and picked my way back up the hill, backing my effort down but maintaining a run. I hit the plateau again, this time I wanted to push my heartrate up just a notch into zone 4b. My goal was to keep it here the rest of the race. I was feeling really good, in control and strong. I went ahead and took a gel in just for good measure around mile 10. Hit the waffle/syrup laden aid station at mile 11 and cruised on past. Here I tried to amp my effort more. I hit the 2 mile downhill section again focusing on not letting that R foot get ahead of the knee and just a few twinges on the way down. Hit the bottom of the hill and gave the rest of the effort, top gear (although probably not much faster pace) to the finish. I felt crazy good. Came in at 2:01, matching my time within seconds of last year. I figured I would come in way behind my time last year. I also had a negative split...something I thought totally impossible for me...And most important, I felt tremendously better. I was fortunate to come in first female and 5th overall. Thanks coach!!

After the race I stayed and helped with the aid station and getting runners in/out while waiting on Todd to finish the 50k.  Ran a few errands for the race director and located a couple generators for the night crew. Interacting with the crews, racers, volunteers was energizing and a joy. By the end of the day we were pooped out but fulfilled on many levels. Most fulfilling was watching my 10 year old son helping at the aid station. He helped through the evening and then begged to stay through the night and help. There were plenty of friends to keep a watchful eye on him and all promised to let me know if I needed to come get him. I couldn’t stay through the night, had to be at work the next day. All night he helped the aid station crew and kept the fire going. I showed up at 7:30 am to find him crashed out by the fire. He had fallen asleep about 7am. He has the heart and endurance of an ultra runner. It was a good good day.

I am sitting in Mc Donalds...By myself for the first time in over 40 hours. Knowing I must be tired and hungry and a little delirious to be at McDonalds finding 2 double cheeseburgers, fries and a coke the most fabulous meal....the other options were less appealing and involved chicken nuggets at a gas station served by a Chicken wearing boxing gloves. I had the opportunity to crew, pace, and work medical for this race over the course of 30 hours. 

The day began with hotter than expected temps - 80s with over 60% humidity and intermittent showers and sun. My runner, as most were having a hard time with the weather. At 31 miles several were starting to drop. My runner desperately wanted to do the same, unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your perspective, we did not give him that option.  We saw many runners come in, many struggling with heat/humidity, obviously disheartened and not sure if they would make the full 100.  We cheered and encouraged and filled water bottles. It was here I met Frank. 82 year old aid station caption. A 2:29 marathoner back in the 80's. He lives on Marathon Lane on a mountain in Arkansas. He still runs with his dog, but has learned when trucks/cars pass him on the dirt road and stop ask him what he's doing/if he needs help to say, "I'm just taking the dog for his exercise". He says when he tells them he's "out for a run" people think he's crazy and ask too many questions about why he runs at 82. He chuckles, "It's ok to take the dog for exercise, but one should not run at 82" ;)

We left that aid station not entirely convinced our runner was going to make it to the next crew station at mile 47. That would be where I would start pacing him. I would be with him for 20 miles. We grabbed a bite to eat and headed on to the next station. He came in looking much better than he did at mile 31. It was around 5pm and the heat/humidity was letting up. We were off. We ran with others, we ran alone. After a while he was walking more and talking more about how many miles were left, how far behind his goal time he was and how bad he felt. he was trying to convince me of his logic.  He was wanting to quit.  He picked the wrong pacer.  "Lets try running this" when we'd hit a flat, down, or lesser incline. The next aid station we put some more calories in. The dark clouds lifted a little and he readjusted his goals. He said, "if I can keep a ____ pace I can make it in in ____ time.  "Ok" I said, and we went. He wanted to walk, I encouraged him to run.  He would look at his watch and see his pace way over what it needed to be for his new goal and he would slow more, discouraged. He needed encouragement....my encouragement wasn't working, he didn't buy what I was telling him...so I pointed him to what nature was telling him. What the mountain was giving him.

We hit a nice downhill section. I told him, "Look, she's giving you free speed...take what she's giving you" We started rocking a very nice sub goal pace. Nature chimed in just on cue...a nice little breeze blew in.  "Listen runner, she's rewarding your effort...she's giving you a breeze...she's tellling you good job".  We hit a slight incline, runner wanted to walk. "Let's work this hill" I said. He was reluctant, but relented and ran. The breeze blew again and the trees rustled their leaves. I said, "Listen runner, nature is clapping for you, she's telling you good work, good job runner". Right on cue the leaves rustled even louder!  "The mountain is rewarding your effort, she sees you working". Runner wouldn't listen to me, but now he was listening to something much bigger.  We picked and climbed. He ran uphill well, he ran downhill better and all the while the breeze blew and the trees rustled, applauding and rewarding his effort here.  Runner was starting to believe again he could do this. He could meet this new challenge. I told him, "Show the mountain respect. Respect her by giving her your effort, your time , your dedication to this and she will reward you" and she was. The mountain was alive with frogs and crickets and rustling leaves and breezes and stars all for runner to experience and draw from and show respect for the gifts she was giving. And he was doing it. His effort those 20 miles was awesome.  And runner knew it.  I warned him, "She still has some tricks up her sleeves", "It's not all about the gifts she gives, it's about accepting everything she offers without judging it. Let go of ego. Figure out how to work it, like a puzzle, figuring out how to adapt and prosper, how to take the pieces she gives and put them together and create your picture, your puzzle, your whatever".  And I left him at mile 70 with his next pacer. I got in the car and the downpour began and the temps dropped about 30 degrees.  We headed to the next crewing station at mile 83.

We got to the aid station. We had about 2 hours before our runner would come in so we put some relaxing tunes on the radio and dozed off and on. 20 miles of pacing got my legs a little stiff and tight and really just wanted to either be moving or be in bed. My van full with clothes, food, and 3 other people.  I the oldest of the crew needed some ibuprofen!! My younger com-padres went straight to sleep, snoring and breathing loudly. I was in the driver seat... and with a sleeping human behind me, did not want to scootch my seat back or lean the back down any.  I wrangled my legs and feet up on the dash on either side of the steering wheel.  The vents blowing warm air through the socks that have been wet for 20 miles pacing on the course.  The young man in the passenger seat stops snoring and says, "Is that my feet or yours I smell?". I smiled...."mine".  I made mention that the rest of me probably did not smell much better.  He informed me it was ok, he just wanted to make sure it wasn't his feet that were generating the scent. About that time I heard some girlie chitter chatter coming down the road toward the aid station.  I thought, "Is that Shelley?"  She had been the lead female all day. It was!  She was smiling and chatting and looking fantastic! I was so happy to hear her happy voice.  This was good. She was having a good day all around and she was enjoying the day she was having. I managed to unfold my stiff legs and get out of the car and immediately realized the sig drop in temps. It was cold.  We checked in concerned that we might have missed our runner.  The aid station chief confirmed that our runner dropped at the last aid station. Damn. I was super proud though. He got through some tough stuff.

We stayed and saw a few runners in. They were getting cold and they were wet. We helped get em soup and gave  encouraging words. Some looked a little bewildered but were moving forward. We moved forward too, arriving at the start/finish around 3:30 am. Our runner was shuttled back there. This day took many runners out of this race. At one point, they were losing so many runners they had to send 3 shuttles out to get them just to one aid station, very unusual for this course. Race HQ was busy trying to process all of the dropping runners.  There was a lot of hypothermia.  My runner and crew that I had spent the last many many hours with headed to the hotel and I met my new friends at the HQ. We had a trickle of cold/wet runners in. Just a few IVs needed and lots of blister popping and tending to feet and aches and pains. Mostly just listening and smiling and offering encouragement and warmth was all that was needed. Night turned to dawn and more runners came in. Dawn turned to morning and more runners came in. Morning turned to almost noon- cutoff time.  My crew came back to me and brought me my van and my keys. I was tired and ready to leave, knowing I had a long drive and desperate for something to eat/drink besides coke and broth...and really just time alone.  

I left the HQ and walked out to the finish. It was 11:40 am. Cutoff at noon.  I saw these last runners coming in. I was and am now overcome with emotion for these.  The first runners finished 10 hours ago. These people had endured 10 more hours of rain, cold, aches, pains, blisters, nausea, fatigue, mental "stuff". I wanted to run them in, I was so thrilled for them. They were the toughest of the tough and I wanted them to know that. I had a deep sense of respect for them and I wanted them to know that. I wanted me to know that.

I didn't know that when I came in at leadville or at San Juan. Both races,  finishing late in the race. Hoping to miss cutoffs, hoping not to come in over 30 hours. I felt like I had let people down. I felt I had let myself down. Sure I knew I had given every moment my best effort all the way, or did I? I  felt like I let people and myself down, I felt like everyone felt sorry for me for being so slow, for being one of the last ones in. I felt like my crew felt sorry for me and I didn't like it.  I felt like they were saying, "look at that poor girl", "she's just not as tough as she thought she was", "she's not as tough as the others".  They were'nt. They felt what I felt for those late finishers this morning, and what I now can give myself.  "Look at you go girl, look what you have done girl!  Look what you have accomplished! You stayed out there, you endured, you are awesome!" To feel such a thrill for someone else and ultimately for oneself.  

Well of course it's not even 2 weeks since Leadville and I'm already thinking about next year. Thinking I want to do an international event. Zeroing in on a couple....these would be way harder than anything I've done, and in a foreign country. So of course how do I think about which one to do?  Well of course I start by looking at the distance....can I go that far?  Narrow the list down a little. Look at the elevation...hmm...can I  tolerate going that high?....narrow it down more. Look at the climbing and descending...can I really be ready for that kind of climbing and descending training in Oklahoma?....narrow that list down more.  No pacer?  I've never completed a 100 miler without a pacer...the list is getting shorter. I'm not happy with the list I'm left with.  I see these grand events and I get anxious/fearful...but...I WANT to do them.

I relate these fears in a question to a friend....do YOU think we can get me ready for something like this? Please, just tell me what I am capable of so I can just trust someone other than myself. I am reminded that I am trying to decide what to do based on knowing the outcome. I want to KNOW I will finish. Ahhhh, "but this is why we race"....the unknown, to see what will happen.

So, this weekend I will roll through thoughts and ideas, races and countries. THIS time without considering whether or not I can do it. Completely set that aside, and find what I really want to do and go for it.